I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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