the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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