It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
