There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
