Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
