So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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