real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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