Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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