I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
