what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize