I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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