Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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