Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
