I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
the raccoons are back...
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