get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
