you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
