Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
