The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont even know how to be here
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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