I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
