She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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