if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
