What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michael Bay diarrhea
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
