Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
