Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
