bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
