Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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