So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
