woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
