She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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