We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
