i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
