Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
