i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
