I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
