Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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