We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
