Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boobs speak an international language.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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