Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
