I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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