did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize