If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
