I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize