I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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