she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ruined the universe
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
