found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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