you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
