I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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