I want to walk on stilts...naked
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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