I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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