Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
