just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
