why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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