wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
