you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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