I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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