I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
