I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
