I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
