This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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