i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
