...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize