You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
