hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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