I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
