the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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