you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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