I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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