I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
