Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
