someone owes me an orgasm
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
