ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
