He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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