i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize