what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
