In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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