dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
