You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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