i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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