how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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