In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
