when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize