guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
