nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
