It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
