What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
