nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
