Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
