On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She's JV to your varsity
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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