HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
