i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
