Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
