I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize