My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
