Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
