..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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