No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize