I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
