I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
