god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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