I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize