Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
