mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
